Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
