Swine flu. Run for my life!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
