Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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