Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
