i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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