So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
