so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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