I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
