1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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