remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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