i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
