fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
