Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize