Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
