Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I love you.
Bad choice
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
