I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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