Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
