How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
