I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
