He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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