I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
