I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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