All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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