Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
