Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
