he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
