im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
