Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
