I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
