woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
