you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
