our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize