Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
