Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
