Fine. I'll sleep in my office
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
