I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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