I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
