don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
