guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
