i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We had to coat check the pizza.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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