he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
