so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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