Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
