the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
