My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
someone owes me an orgasm
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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