next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
