For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I lost the right to judge tonight
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
