kristin has been a bad kristin
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
