She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize