sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
