Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
