just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
