I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
