You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
