My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
