So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
