I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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