bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sober January is a disaster.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
