ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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