I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
