Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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