I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
