Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
