can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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